If your partner seems always to be on their phone, identify when you want their attention and ask for a specific shared change. Gottman’s screen-use guidance recommends agreeing on boundaries together and discussing work exceptions. Focus on the interaction you want, rather than using screen time as proof of what your partner feels.
Name the moment that bothers you
Try describing one interaction: “When I was telling you about my day at dinner, you kept scrolling. I wanted a few minutes of your attention.” This suggested opening identifies the behavior and your request without guessing what was on the screen.
Ask whether it was a bad time for that conversation and when would work. You can care about being heard while recognizing that the other person may have a task to finish. The useful question is how you will make room for the conversation.
Propose a plan both people can accept
You might suggest putting phones aside during a meal, taking a short walk together or asking before starting a conversation that needs full attention. Choose a plan that fits your lives, not an absolute rule that neither person expects to keep.
Gottman's article about screens recommends transparency about exceptions such as being on call or facing a deadline. An example agreement is, “I need to watch for one work message tonight; otherwise I can put the phone away while we eat.”
Keep attention separate from surveillance
Read our keeping phone passwords private page. For this guide, the proposed request is for a shared moment of attention, not access to messages, passwords or location history. Checking a device without agreement is not the exercise being recommended.
If you have a separate concern about trust, discuss that concern in its own terms. Do not assume that agreeing to a phone-free dinner settles every trust issue, or that declining to share a password proves wrongdoing. Let specific information and direct conversation guide that discussion.
Review whether you felt heard
After trying the arrangement, ask whether the time actually worked. If you wanted listening but received immediate advice, say that too. Read our asking for listening page. You may need to clarify the kind of attention you were hoping for, not simply remove a screen.
If the agreed change keeps failing, discuss the pattern with concrete examples. A reading can offer personal reflection on how you want to respond; it cannot reveal what is on a private phone or verify the other person's motives.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What could I reflect on before asking this person for more present time together?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Read our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.