When your partner’s jokes hurt your feelings, you can name the comment and ask for the behavior to stop without proving that they intended harm. Try: “That joke about me was upsetting. Please do not make that kind of comment again.” You can discuss their intention while still being clear about its effect on you.
Be specific about the comment
Choose the actual remark or recurring topic rather than starting with “You always humiliate me.” The Gottman Institute's assertiveness guidance recommends addressing a particular behavior and making a clear request.
For example: “When you joked about my work in front of our friends, I felt embarrassed. I do not want my work used as a punchline.” That describes an experience and a request. You do not have to produce a persuasive case for why every other person would also dislike the joke.
If they say they were only joking
You might respond: “I understand that you meant it as humor. I am telling you that I did not enjoy it, and I want it to stop.” This keeps the conversation on the behavior you are asking to change.
You can also ask for a conversation later if you do not want to discuss it in front of others. A brief “Please do not joke about that” can be enough in the moment. These are possible phrases, not obligations to keep explaining yourself indefinitely.
Consider what happens after the request
Love is respect's guidance on respecting a partner's boundaries emphasizes asking about another person's comfort and taking their limits seriously. Notice whether your partner listens, acknowledges the impact and changes the behavior.
An apology can be a start; it is also reasonable to notice whether the same comments continue. Read our how to accept an apology page. You can appreciate an apology without declaring that everything is immediately resolved.
Choose your next boundary
If the joke is repeated, you might say: “I have asked you not to make comments about that. I am going to leave this conversation now.” Choose an action that is within your control and appropriate to your circumstances.
Read our a boundary in my own words page. If you are worried about how your partner may react, prioritize your safety and seek support rather than treating a direct confrontation as something you must do. A reading may support reflection, but it does not replace practical help or establish another person's intentions.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What could I reflect on about respect and communication with this person?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Read our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.