Good questions to ask your partner invite an answer you do not already know. Ask about current preferences, meaningful memories, plans and what they want to discuss. Choose two or three questions for a conversation rather than delivering a long questionnaire. Let either person skip a question without having to justify it.
Make room for a current answer
The Gottman Institute’s guide to learning about a partner encourages curiosity through questions and noticing everyday preferences. Its reminder that interests can change is a reason to ask again instead of assuming an old answer still fits.
The prompts below are sample conversation ideas, not a Gottman assessment or a compatibility test.
For an easy start
What was an unexpectedly enjoyable part of your week?
What activity would you like more time for this month?
What is something you tried recently that you would try again?
Which ordinary part of a day do you especially enjoy?
What would you choose for an evening with no commitments?
What have you changed your mind about lately?
For memories and plans
What small memory would you like to tell me about?
What did you once enjoy that you might like to revisit?
Which place would you enjoy showing me, and why?
What project are you curious to begin?
What would you like us to make time for next month?
What is one plan you would prefer to leave open for now?
For your connection
When have you felt especially listened to by me?
Is there a small plan between us that needs a clearer answer?
What kind of time together do you want more of?
What would you like to ask me that has not come up yet?
For a conversation specifically about ongoing agreements, try our relationship check-in agenda.
Follow the answer, not the list
Imagine your partner says they want to return to painting. A follow-up could be, “What did you enjoy about it?” You do not need to move immediately to the next question or book a class for them.
Ask whether you understood before adding an interpretation: “Are you saying you miss making something, or the time alone?” Their answer is theirs to give. A tarot reading cannot supply it on their behalf.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What am I curious to understand about my part in this connection?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Compare the formats in our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.