Relationship journaling prompts can help you organize what you want to write about: what happened, how you interpreted it and what you want to ask or decide. Choose one prompt and answer in your own words. The exercises below are optional reflection, not therapy, a relationship score or a way to establish another person’s private thoughts.
Keep the entry about your perspective
The Gottman Institute’s guide to assertive communication includes clarifying what you feel and what you want before expressing a specific request. The prompts here use that general distinction as a writing starting point; they are not a Gottman questionnaire.
Choose a place to write that fits your privacy needs. You decide whether to share an entry. Another person does not have to adopt your interpretation because it appears in a journal.
Four prompts about a particular moment
What did I directly see or hear?
What detail would I need to ask about rather than assume?
What feeling can I name without explaining the other person’s motives?
What part of the moment do I want to remember accurately?
Four prompts about what matters
What did I appreciate, and why did it matter to me?
What request have I been implying instead of stating?
Which preference is mine, and which decision belongs to the other person?
What value do I want my next action to reflect?
Four prompts about a next step
What question would give me information I do not have?
What can I decide with the information I already have?
What agreement was actually made, and what remains open?
What would I like to revisit after a conversation?
A worked entry about a changed plan
Observation: “Our dinner was cancelled on Friday afternoon.”
Interpretation: “I started wondering whether the person still wanted to see me. I do not know that from the cancellation alone.”
Question: “Would you like to choose another date?”
My decision: “I can decide how long I am willing to leave the plan open.”
This is a hypothetical example, not a recommended verdict about every cancelled date. For a separate exercise about discussing your notes together, try our relationship check-in agenda.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What am I noticing in my own reflections on this connection?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Compare the formats in our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.