Living apart together, often called LAT, describes a couple maintaining a relationship while living in separate homes. The details can differ: nearby homes, different cities or another arrangement. If you are considering it, discuss what the relationship means to each of you and how you want visits, everyday contact and future plans to work.
Begin with the arrangement you actually mean
Abby Medcalf’s explanation of living apart together describes committed couples maintaining separate households, including people living close by and people travelling to see each other. This definition does not establish that one living arrangement produces better relationships than another.
For your discussion, state the proposal plainly: “I would like to continue our relationship and keep separate homes.” Then ask whether the other person wants the same arrangement. A familiar label cannot supply an agreement you have not made.
Discuss four practical questions
Visits: How would you decide when to see each other, and would either person prefer notice before a visit?
Everyday contact: What calls or messages would you both welcome?
Belongings and space: Would either person leave belongings at the other home, and what limits would apply?
Future expectations: Is this the arrangement you want for now, or are you proposing a longer-term plan?
These questions are optional starting points. Their answers belong to the people involved; they are not requirements attached to the LAT label.
Work through one ordinary difference
Imagine one person likes spontaneous visits and the other wants to plan ahead. A possible proposal is: “Please ask before coming over. I would also enjoy choosing one regular evening together.”
Discuss both parts. Agreeing to planned visits does not automatically mean agreeing to a regular evening. If you want a separate conversation about limits, read our relationship boundary guide. Keep personal space and an invitation to spend time together distinct.
Revisit the choice without making it a verdict
You might agree to discuss the arrangement again after a chosen period: What have we enjoyed? What has been inconvenient? Is this still what each person wants?
A changed preference deserves a conversation rather than an assumption that the relationship must end or that someone must move. If sharing a home is also under consideration, read our moving-in-together checklist. Questions about tenancy, shared purchases or legal responsibilities need appropriate advice beyond this reflective guide.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What does keeping separate homes mean to me within this connection?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Read our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.