Questions before getting engaged should concern the life you want together, not just the proposal. Gottman’s premarital conversation guide includes communication, connection and finances. Our suggested starting point is to compare your expectations explicitly, identify unresolved decisions and avoid treating a shared wish to marry as agreement on every detail.
Describe the ordinary life behind the milestone
Our original questions include: “What would we want our everyday life to look like?” “How would we protect time together?” and “What personal commitments would each of us want to keep?” Answer separately before comparing.
Gottman’s premarital guidance emphasizes intentional connection and communicating needs. Our recommendation is to turn a broad answer such as “spend more time together” into an example both people understand, without prescribing one ideal household routine.
Bring practical matters into the conversation
Read our guide to talking about money. Our suggested engagement conversation asks how you want to discuss spending, saving and shared responsibilities, rather than assuming identical preferences. Financial or legal decisions may require appropriately qualified advice.
Other original prompts are: “Where do we want to live?” “Which commitments to family matter to us?” and “What change would require a joint decision?” Write down open questions instead of agreeing vaguely to revisit everything after the wedding.
Discuss major differences directly
If children are relevant, read our guide to disagreeing about having children. Ask what each person actually wants; do not treat engagement as a promise that one of you will eventually change. Our relationship deal-breakers guide is another place to reflect.
A useful sentence might be: “This matters enough that I want us to understand the difference before making another commitment.” You can listen with care while remaining honest that a particular choice is important to you.
Agree on the next conversation, not a predicted date
Our optional closing exercise is to list what you agree on, what remains undecided and when you want to talk again. The purpose is clarity, not to create a test your partner must pass in one evening.
A Love by Koko reading can offer symbolic reflection on your own expectations in this connection. It does not guarantee a proposal or its timing. An actual engagement decision belongs to the people involved and their explicit conversations.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What could I reflect on before discussing our expectations for a possible engagement?” Koko personally records the reading, with a starting price of $99 and starting length of 15 minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Read our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.