Use this relationship journal template to write about one situation at a time: what happened, what you know, what you felt, what matters to you, and what you might ask next. It is an original reflection worksheet, not a scorecard for your partner. You can copy it into a notebook or a private document and leave any line blank.
Copy this template
Date and situation: What I directly saw or heard: What I am assuming, and what I do not know: How I would describe my feelings: What mattered to me in this moment: Something I appreciate, if relevant: A question I could ask: A request or boundary I want to express: One next step within my control: When I will revisit this, if needed:
Use ordinary language. “I felt left out when the plan changed” is enough; you do not need to explain every event in the relationship.
A completed example
This is a fictional example, not a customer story.
Situation: Friday dinner was canceled. Facts: My partner messaged at 4 p.m. that work was running late. No new date was suggested. Assumption: I started thinking they did not want to see me. I do not know that. Feeling: Disappointed. What mattered: Having some time together after a busy week. Appreciation: They told me before I left home. Question: Would Sunday lunch work instead? Request: When a plan changes, I would like us to suggest a replacement. Next step: Ask about Sunday, then make my own plan for tonight. Revisit: After we have spoken.
Leave space for their perspective
Your entry records your perspective; it cannot establish your partner's intentions. The Gottman Institute's Love Maps article emphasizes curiosity about a partner's inner world. A journal can help you decide what you would like to ask, while leaving the answer open.
Read our facts and assumptions note. If you share an entry, choose a relevant sentence and explain why you are sharing it. Your partner is allowed a different recollection; you can discuss specific details without treating the journal as a verdict.
Review the entry without keeping a running score
At your chosen follow-up, add what happened: “We agreed to lunch” or “We have not made a plan.” Keep the original entry and the update distinct so you can see what you actually knew at each point.
You can stop when you have identified a useful next step. There is no requirement to journal daily or document every disagreement. If you prefer open-ended questions to a structured form, read our relationship journaling prompts.
Explore your question in a personal reading
For a symbolic perspective on your connection with this person, you can ask a custom question in a Signature Video Reading: “What deserves my attention in the situation I have written about with this person?” Koko personally records the reading, starting at $99 for 15+ minutes. Standard delivery is 7–10 days; optional 24-hour Express adds $49.
Read our guide to choosing a love reading. Readings are for entertainment and reflection. They do not establish another person’s thoughts or promise an outcome.